Archive for the Late at Night Category

As One Might Expect, a Human Cow Hybrid

Posted in Late at Night on April 4, 2008 by cheappaper

As one might expect, the pictures of Eliot Spitzer’s prostitute hookered me my highest visit rate to date. (I was an English major. I am licensed to create new verbs).

As one might expect, being one of a few million new blog posts each day, traffic has been light. Every silver lining, however, has its cloud. Family and friends seem to click through uninvited. Too impatient to comment, they pick up the phone and give me an ear full.

One so-called friend — an urban, meat eating, cow loving, metrosexual — told me he was offended by my cow post. I really didn’t think I was talking about cows.

But in deference to my cud loving friend, I decided I would research and report back cow intelligence. To this end, I set aside ten minutes on Google.

As one might expect, the news is old. Another WordPress blogger, who clearly has more free time than I do, reports on a human-cow hybrid. Science appears to have triumphed over nature again. Closer examination, however, shows that it has done nothing more than create a genetic template that has existed for years in the natural environment.  No matter its pretense, no matter how hard it hopes to rise above its Newtonian roots, science will never be anything more than a journeyman to nature.

Bovine genes have long been combined with human genes. They long ago made the leap between the species. Evidence you ask? One need only spend a few minutes in commuter traffic before the evidence becomes indisputable.

I hope that my research will reassure my cow loving friend that cows and humans have long had a close genetic heritage and existed in an intellectual parity. Today, we have finally reached the point were we can create this hybrid artificially in the lab. In just a few short years we will be able to do so in the comfort and safety of our own homes. No doubt, a patent is pending even as I type.